What Does Giving Birth Feel Like?

I’ve heard childbirth described as “painful.” I think that this offers no more insight into birth than chocolate could be comprehended by use of the word “delicious.” Both are judgments, not descriptions.

There are women who have pain-free births. There are women who don’t like chocolate. I am not one of them.  If you want someone to tell you “Birthis peaceful.” or, “Your body will open like a flower.” I suggest that you stop reading now.

Analogies are often the best way to grasp the unknown. I offer two; the first is making love. Do you remember the very first time you made love? Were you scared? Did you know what to do and expect before you started?Birthis like making love. Even if you’ve never done or seen it before, you know how. Your body teaches you along the way. It tells you clearly and immediately what works and what doesn’t. Just as one would not want to forgo the joy and pleasure of making love because of fear of discomfort and pain of losing ones virginity so too is it a loss to numb oneself to the full experience of birth. Just as a baby can be conceived through making love, sex, or rape; so too can a baby be born. Feeling respected, supported and loved makes a huge difference.

My second analogy is a bowel movement. A very big bowel movement. I know, it’s not what you want to hear but how could it be anything different? Before having children, I had the misfortunate experience of seeing a home movie filmed from the rear end of a woman who gave birth on all fours. Her anus literally went from an “innie” to an “outie.” Then and there, I promised myself that I would never give birth in that position. When my time came (I stayed upright, thank you.) the actual experience felt even stronger than the visual had hinted.  It felt like I was passing the biggest BM ever. I was so grateful to be in an upright kneeling position; not because of anal shyness (I was shameless) but because I’m certain that it would have been physically impossible to get that baby out without the leverage that it afforded. Imagine attempting to have a BM on your back, with masked doctors and nurses around you, your legs up in the air and bright lights shining down between them. Sound fun? If not, don’t assume the position.

I’ve had three babies, two by Cesarean and one by natural birth. The Cesareans sucked. Though I didn’t feel pain during the procedure, the surgeries were miserable and the recoveries awful. Natural birth rocked my world. It hurt more than I thought possible. I fought to keep control of myself, to be strong enough to do it, to not break. It was only when I when I surrendered that the most remarkable thing happened. The pain disappeared. It was replaced by the most beautiful and sensual experience I have ever experienced. Pleasure greater than any I had ever known took its place. If I could bottle the feeling, compress it into pill form, it would be the most addictive drug on the planet.

“Is birth painful?” You want to know.  That answer is easy because we all understand pain. We have experienced it. Yes.Birthhurts. It’s the pleasure that’s impossible to share with you. I have no words to describe it. There are no comparables. I crave it with desire that’s greater than my need for chocolate, sex or fine wine.

There is power that comes to women when they give birth. They don’t ask for it, it simply invades them. Accumulates like clouds on the horizon and passes through, carrying the child with it. – Sheryl Feldman