“Mom, why would someone cut it off?” Jonah, age 7 asks, spread eagle as he pulls the skin of his foreskin down and them up like a rubber band.
“Doesn’t it hurt?” Avram, age 10, chimes in.
I don’t know how to answer them. From the moment I first knew I was pregnant, I believed my children to be perfect, just the way they were. Leaving them intact was an obvious decision. As to the pain, I imagine that circumcision would hurt but, not having a penis of my own, I’m really not sure. The acrobats Jonah is performing with his look painful to me but he’s obviously pleased with the results.
What I choose to believe is that we all make the very best choices that we can and nobody sets out to cause their newborn pain or interfere with his relationship with god (Jewish people believe that circumcision is a covenant with g-d.) While here in America, 75% of our boys are circumcised; in Canada 30% are and in Europe only 10%. On the other side of the world, in Northern Africa and parts of the Middle East, female circumcision is practiced. The possibility that I will grow to acceptance and understanding of female circumcision is about as likely as my developing a taste for monkey’s brains or grasshoppers or that Indians will decide to grind their holy cows into hamburgers. My point is that much of what we do is the result of our culture and habit. It takes an unusual and empowered sort of person to stand up to the norm, to taste the grasshoppers.
Norms around our children are especially difficult to question. It’s a terrifying thing being a parent, taking responsibility for an entire life. We don’t want to screw it up. Doctors, experts and the rest of the herd help relieve some of the pressure on our grey matter; they make us a little more confident in the impossible-to-get-perfect-job of parenting. Who among us doesn’t screw it up sometimes? The only one thing I am truly certain of is that we all must support each other choosing our own path. So, even though I’m not down with circumcision, recent news of the written attack on blogger Jill Powley Haskins whose son died after his circumcision (not necessarily related but used as an opportunity by “intactavists” to forward their agenda) makes me really, really mad.
Reading back over Jill’s blog, there is no doubt that she is a responsible and loving mother. In the beginning, it was sweet and innocent: recipes and cute pictures of her children but the blog morphs into something dark when, in the beginning of an already difficult pregnancy, Jill learns that hers will be a “heart baby.” she does not quit blogging but fiercely revels herself through her entire journey. Three days ago, her shortest post reads simply. “His heart has stopped. Chest compressions and a room full of doctors.”
Then the hate-posts (Now removed from Jill’s blog. They can be viewed at Navelgazing Midwife) began coming in:
“she got exactly what she deserved. If every baby who was mutilated died, it might put a stop to the practice. This so-called tragedy is good publicity for outlawing genital mutilation. I hope she feels guilty for the rest of her miserable life & my sympathy for her is ZERO.”
“They didn’t care. It was more important that his penis be cut up than he live.”
“That poor poor baby…those stupid stupid parents…..WTF is wrong with people?”
“The doctors are trying to feed them the lie that the circumcision didn’t kill their son. This is why, even though it doesn’t seem ‘compassionate,’ people need to let’er rip on her. No, people should not be silent and ‘compassionate.’ While everyone is feeling sorry for the mother, what about the child?”
I never wanted Birth Rite to be a baby blog or another place to debate other people’s choices. Yet here I am writing about circumcision. LOL. Life doesn’t always turn out as planned. Sometimes we must step out of the box. Sometimes our babies die. All we can do is support and accept each others choices. Without this basic trust in humanity, we cannot help but become the oppressors that we fight so hard against.
